An unfaithful husband, cheating wife, any kind of
disloyal partner, is an ugly prospect. And that feeling
of being betrayed by someone we thought we could trust
more than anyone else is one of the worst. People who
discover their partners have been unfaithful to them go
through a hurricane of different emotions – anger,
sadness, shame, dejection, sometimes even relief. It’s a
grieving process, not of a person that’s died, but of a
relationship and level of trust that’s instantly
disintegrated. In short, it sucks.
But before you can begin “grieve” that loss of trust, or
simply throw caution to the wind and ditch your partner
for good, you need to make absolutely sure your reaction
will be 100% warranted. You need to know without doubt
whether your lover has, in fact, double-crossed you by
looking for, finding, and partaking in, an affair.
The only guaranteed way of knowing this, aside from
finding damning physical evidence or seeing the affair
with your own eyes (both pretty rare), is by hearing a
confession straight from the horse’s mouth, by
communicating your suspicions with your partner and
listening to what they have to say – however
heartbreaking or relieving their response might be. But
before you take that big step, there are a few simpler
and smaller steps you can take to make the whole
process, the whole “investigation” and confrontation of
your partner, easier and more factually accurate.
The first thing you should do is look for some of the
most common signs/groups of signs people produce when
they cheat. I’ve listed 3 of them below. Read over and
think about each and carefully consider if they apply to
you, your partner and your relationship.
1. Changes in sex drive and sexual behaviour.
Sex is almost always an integral part of a happy and
healthy relationship between two people. So when one of
the two, regardless of whether it’s the guy or the girl,
begins to cheat, it doesn’t come as any surprise that
changes in the way they feel about having sex with their
partner can be brought about. There are two main ways
these changes can manifest themselves. When the cheater
initially begins their affair, they may – out of guilt
and in an effort to avoid the newly formed affair being
rumbled – actually increase the amount of attention they
pay their real partners in bed. Conversely, and usually
a little while after the affair has begun, the cheater
may appear to have a loss of sex drive. They, for some
reason, seem to not want to be intimate with you as much
as they used to. Once again, this can be attributed to
guilt, but more often it’s to do with a fear they’ll
reveal their infidelity through they way they behave
before, during and after having sex with you.
2. Peculiar changes in habits & schedule.
When people cheat, they invariably change their
behaviour and/or habits in some way, small or large. The
reason they cannot avoid these alterations is because,
no matter how infrequently or secretly they see the
person they’re having an affair with, they MUST – at
some point or another – go out of their way to do so
(and thereby break or change habits and behaviour). So,
look for recent and pronounced modifications in the
times they come home/leave the house (and whether the
changed times ‘repeat’ weekly), increased usage of the
phone or computer for no obvious/innocent reason, and
other differences in the way your partner acts and
behaves. You know your partner’s old habits and ways of
living better than anyone, so draw from that knowledge
to compare how they might have changed them and to
decide if the changes are to be taken as possible
indications of betrayal.
3. Miscellaneous indicators of infidelity.
Lastly, there’s the group of infidelity indicators that
don’t fit in any other box or under any other title.
They’re the things you notice, question and cannot
innocently explain away. They’re the things you spot but
almost choose to forget because you’re so unsure of what
they may or may not mean and whether, ultimately, they
are true signs that your partner is cheating on you with
someone else. Here are just a couple of miscellaneous
indications of infidelity:
A. Your partner no longer seems to get angry with you
when in the past they always seemed to be picking a
fight or getting worked up over any tiny issue. Cheaters
often ‘let their partners off’ because they want as
little confrontation (which could lead to a discovery on
your part) as possible.
B. She or he frequently shifts the focus onto you.
Cheaters often asks their partners more questions about
how their day went, how they’re feeling, etc, again, to
shift the attention away from them and their guilt.
Remember, when you suspect your partner may be cheating,
always take the smaller steps – by looking for the kinds
of subtle signs listed above – before taking the biggest
step of all: confronting them. Doing so will give you
the very best chance of a happy, or at least a more
manageable, final outcome.
For more ways to catch a cheating spouse, go to
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